art of accomplishment

How can I know what I want?

Decisions Course Email 9 - 02/06/2023

Hi Everyone, 

Recently I was asked, “How do I know what I want when I’m making a decision?”. I get that question a lot, and it always makes me laugh because the truth is– we already know what we want. Our lives are driven by our wants. We make 1,000 decisions a day guided by our wants. We may not realize it, but everything from the way we take our coffee, to the route we choose to take from A to B is a decision we make based on what we want.

Asking the question, “How can I know what I want?” points to a want. It means that you want to understand your wants better. It means you want to have deeper access to what motivates and drives you. 

The more useful question, then is: how do we admit what we want to ourselves?  

Our wants feel different when we face a big decision, and the cause is often an emotion that we’re trying to avoid. This may sound like, “What does this want mean about me?” or “What if my want hurts those around me?”. Whatever it is, there is likely a feeling attached to it that is scary to face. 

In fact, the ability to face and welcome the emotions that we don’t want to feel is a skill we will focus on heavily during the course. We will learn how to invite the emotions we resist feeling, including the ones we have to feel if we admit to ourselves what we really want. 

It can be incredibly vulnerable to admit our wants to ourselves.

If you are in the question, “How do I get more in touch with my wants?”, using the tools in the course to decide what actions you want to take to connect more deeply with your wants will work beautifully. You’ll walk out with a clear plan that aligns so well with your wants that it won’t even feel like work or a task list. It will feel great because it will be based on what you truly want.

Big love,


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